Because it's Friday...

Grief is defined as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.   But, grief takes on many levels, each painful in it's own way.

In the past few years, I've said goodbye to both my grandmothers and my niece.  When I think of my grandmothers now, it's always with fondness and strong wonderful memories that we had together.  I remember the trips we took with them and the holidays we spent together.  I remember how Grandma Ruth always liked to have her dessert first, and how Grandma Lois would always get the chicken at a restaurant.  Both lived full lives well into their 80's.  Both lost husband's early and went on to raise their families and have careers and show us, their family, how to be strong, independent women.    I'm very thankful to have known these women and I miss them very much.

But....

And perhaps it's because my niece was just 8, or her passing was so sudden and unexpected, but I find that...

-- I hear a Miley Cyrus song and I cry
-- I see a child with Down's Syndrome and I cry
-- Because it's Friday, I cry (we lost her on a Friday)
-- For no reason at all, I cry
-- When I read my sister-in-laws Facebook page or blog and feel the pain she lives in each and every day, I cry.
-- Because I miss my daughter and I know that my daughter is just a couple of states away but my sisterinlaw has to visit her daughter at the cemetary

I could go on and on about the things that will get the tears flowing.  Sometimes, its just a random tear on my cheek.  Not all the tears are sad, sometimes it's because of a wonderful memory and the tears are happy.  I cry for all the memories. I cry because I remember how much this little girl endured in her short life, and how much she taught all of us about love, patience, tolerance, and life in general.  I remember the times we prayed for her health, and for God to spare her...for the worldwide prayer circles we held for her and how she got through each crisis, and still smiled. 

Does it mean I miss any of these three any more than the others or that I loved one more than the other?  No.  But I beleive it's because my grandmothers lived such a full and long life that I could let them go with the peace of knowing that their work on earth was done and their weary bodies were ready to heal and be with the loved ones that passed before them.  Was Carly's work done?  Perhaps.  It depends on what you believe and how you look at things. I think she was sent to teach us so much, but it's been hard letting her go.  It's been hard waking up and knowing that when we go to visit our family that we won't get one of her special hugs or get to hear about another milestone she passed as she learned more and proved every day that nothing could stop her. 

I am told that crying is good for you. And honestly, I feel refreshed after a good cry.  When I cry, I pray...and I thank God for watching over these loved ones, for holding them in his loving arms until we meet again.

The tears last a short time, and they sometimes hit out of the blue...like at work.  Or driving in the car, and usually, in the shower. 

Grief, to be blunt, Sucks. 

And ir's Friday....